I tracked the scent to this cave as ominous as it was I had two choices to make I could either enter the cave and demonstrate the audacity of my lineage, Or I could turn-around and go find the nearest patch of soft earth and maybe start an orchard of persimmon fruit trees. Can you imagine if I chose the second and this story just took a sharp turn for the boring. Where you come back day after day to see different happenings on my peaceful claim, shoveling and mowing?
I stepped in the cave and was ready to be confronted by the woman who murdered the stranger I had never met. When all of the sudden, a SWARM OF BATS came flocking after not me but SOME RANDOM NAKED MAN fleeing for his life. Now I come from a long line of bat punchers and so so I quickly did the only thing I could do in this circumstance. I UPPERCUT THE BATS IN THE FACE. Once the naked man had found out I was here to save him, he turned around and threw his wily arms into the mix. Together we slayed the creatures but he didn't speak my language so we waved at each other in the parlance of our time (Which is flipping each other off) and I left the cave, but wait a second...the scent was now tracking to the naked man. It...it couldn't be. The man I just saved was none other than the criminal I was tracking all along. As I watched the naked man-cheeks running away flailing his arms I decided I'd give up on my quest for vengeance...clearly all the vengeance the gods wanted to give this guy had already been given. So I sent my scents to the bottom of the nearest bog.
I wish I could say my adventure picked up right from there but now the greatest enemy to a nomadic barbarian was setting in. Deep cuts which had gotten infected from the bats I fought. Now I come from a long line of medicine men and I knew what was in store for me, a slow painful agonizing death as I had no way to cure these wounds on my own. I set about the task of wandering as far as I could so that you readers could at least watch how this story ended with me dead in some ditch somewhere, at least you'd have closure.
In my stumbling haze, I saw on the horizon another village this time much bigger than the one before I hoped that perhaps, MAYBE these folk were not as dangerous as the naked drunken man and perhaps maybe these folks had the medical supplies I needed to live another day. I made my way to their fence edge and explained my predicament. Luckily with all the strength I had left I was able to blurt out a few words over coughs of blood and their village elder whom I will call "Keith" because that was his name came to the fence edge and asked what I wanted, whilst folding some dried animals skins. "Medicine..." I explained and luckily I had dead fox to trade for it and he said in reply "We are but simple hermits we have no medicine yet." I looked over to see their cauldron and explained. "If I give you this fox and if you put that cauldron outside can I make my own medicine before I die?" They agreed and I watched Keith the hero bring their valuable clay cauldron outside of their fence and slam it down on the mud floor. "Here ya go" He said before calmly lighting it for me "It'll be ready by the time you get back with the poultices" I was so happy I gave them everything I had on my person as thanks and proceeded to collect my medical supplies.
"If you ever need a wandering warrior on your side, I am Kretch the Barbarian, what's your name?" I said after I was all patched up. They looked at each other and scratched their head saying "Hermits United?" And I shrugged and said. "Hermits united you have my axe" and proceeded to wave (flip off) all the folk there, as they did to me. Back on the road it seems.
No comments:
Post a Comment