Day 3, The end of our story.

I had come to the edge of the world where I knew not what else laid in store for me. The adventure I had for the last three days led me to a moment like this, the people I met along the way were fantastic and I won't soon forget. I've cherished you all and Kits thank you most of all for the wicker picker. (For a nomad it's the best item ever) Some say my end was dumb or premature but please indulge me when I say it was anything but.

All good things come to an end, sometimes faster than others and as I stared at the way the world was changing and rapidly I knew that if there was any chance for glory it wouldn't be in glorious war with my axe in hand. No this was too much to compete with. I needed to make my stand for what I believed in now not after enough LP ticked over. I needed to show the world that adventure starts when you decide it's the right time. My time was now.

As I approached the whirlpool I had two Choices. Do I turn around? Or has my life up until this point led to this. Like staring into the black hole, what would the cost be to find out what was on the other side? A carrier pigeon from some of my friends came to tell me that what I was doing was suicide that this was a stupid move. My chances of surviving on my little dugout boat would be slim at best. But that's what seperates me from the rest. I crumpled up the paper and I rowed in. I wanted to know and I wanted to see if the gods had something greater for me.

As the small boat thrashed under the big waves and cracked apart I watched the dreaded Leviathan's wicked tentacles wrap around and splinter the wood apart. I don't know what took me first the water into my lungs or the monster of my nightmares..Or maybe Dreams? The Glory went to the Sea this time. But i'm hoping that in a small way that glory will live on in all of you. Be brave hearthlings and always remember you come from a long line of heroes.

Day 2.2, Evening

Met a pirate lady, she didn't want to talk to me and continued working, It thought that was rude so I threw her hides on the ground. I didn't really need them at this point so I figured this would wake her up from her stupor, it didn't.

After traveling the rest of the way around the world I ended back in the forest I started in, only what I found was massive devastation the likes I've never seen. I come from a long line of lumberjacks and this was truly epic in proportion, but not as crazy as what i'd come across next..

Scent of assault that went along with a key. This was too big of an opportunity to pass up so I decided to take the key and follow the scent surely what i'd find at the end of this trail would be big.

On the way to the most certainly terrible sight, I found a young-ling camp and decided to leave them some muscles. Hopefully if they get a pearl they'll call me back and share the wealth.

When I finally reached my destination it was all it was cracked up to be, someone had ransacked this poor little hamlet and I didn't even know where to begin to help these poor souls, I decided to look around and see what there was that could be done without risking my own life so easily.

I found the end of the road of these poor defenseless folk. A naked and dead man laying in a poor sod of dirt. I decided I'd seen enough and tossed my scents into the fire, and of course cooked a delicious meal as the embers were still burning.

Took a strange turn down a beach-way and met someone named Kits whom I gifted a rather luxurious gilding i'd found along the way, they said they'd make me a wicker picker. I decided they could be my friend, or perhaps mommy. I'm pretty alone out here.

And to end my evening I met a young man named Leslie, I wanted to trade with him but he was so poor even his clog holes had holes in them. Seriously you have to try really hard to seem this poor. I gave him the rest of my gifts and emptied my bag into his, he was grateful and asked if there way anything he could do for me, I assumed he meant of a personal nature as he was staring at me the whole time, so I said what I say to all who don't have the means, I shall call upon you when the time comes, then I left, I can only assume he's still standing there today, watching me leave. 

Day 2.1, Afternoon

My journey up until this point was pretty uneventful, I was in the water about 5 hours and had made it about half way around what I thought was a Pangaea, which turns out there are some offshoot island that create separate continents if you squint hard enough. When I happened upon a man standing in the middle of the shallows doing some fishing, his eyes glazed over like the jellyfish he was standing next to. I couldn't imagine living such a mundane life was my first impression but I was horribly mistaken.

This is when despite my misconceptions the stranger pointed right at me (I think he was pointing at my bald head) and he said. "You're the Barbarian, Kretch that i've heard so much about" at this point I was flattered, i've only walked this world for two days and I had a following based on my diary entries. (That's kinda creepy) But I trusted this man implicitly as he knew my name before I knew his. He came to tell me his name was Badger. I sat at his table and he fed me great meals of ants and rabbit.

It felt strange sitting at another man's table while his drooling helper looked me over. I mean his helper named simpleton just stared at me the entire time I was eating, I never felt so vulnerable. But after a while the man known as Badger asked me what I wanted out of this life? That was the key question so I regaled him.

Glory, that was what this journey was about and certainly if I had to sum it up into one word it was this. I told him of my adventures so far and how there was a band of assault victims not far to his North. He nodded in approval and explained that he knew how dangerous the life he was leading was as well as mine. For who's life was more dangerous the Barbarian or the Hermit? I knew this, I felt safer among my boat on the calm of the seas with adventure around any corner rather than laying in wait to feed opulent raiders my dried rabbit cookies (Which were delicious by the way).

We both agreed that it was strength that made us safe and for his charity I gifted him the many great treasures that were in my bag and he in return, hearing about my close call with death gave me a poultice for the road. I told him that he was a good sort, and if he ever got bored of that hermit life and wanted the chance to die on his feet, he should seek me out. He agreed, that perhaps when his neighbors to the north turned their eyes to him he may sail the waters of fate with me.

I left him a dead Aurochs for his trouble. I just found it that way but he was really impressed and told me I was very strong, I didn't bother correcting him as Inspiring others is sort of what this journey is all about.

Day 2, Morning

A few of you have written in already and asked me to post what was in my "inventory" which is strange since this is a personal diary log and for some reason carrier pigeons keep bringing me letters.. But none the less here's what's in there. My journeys took me to a small encampment where a lone hermit was sleeping, his drying racks were complete so I did the only hospitable thing I could do, I turned over his racks and placed some hides i'd found on the racks for him hopefully he'll wake up to some leather. I took a couple of squirrel tales for my effort as I hope he'd understand that I needed these for future medicine.

But my journey was less peaceful in a few moments I was beset upon another crime scene. I come from a long line of criminal investigators and I knew a scent of assault when I smelled one. You know what these means my voyeuristic readers! The trail begins anew, it looks like these poor saps were trying to build a village together and got ransacked. I know it's going to deviate a bit from my journey around the world, but I had to follow up and see what fate befell these natives.

The trail was not far and I was soon met up with another person flexing his muscles at a random wildlife. This is the strangest sort of custom I've encountered so far in this world. I can't imagine the wildlife would be so interested in our Hearthling muscles for as long as they are. But as soon as the boar looked bored...(Yeah) The man raced his boat over and PUNCHED the poor extremely weakly in the face. I can't imagine this was a very effective strategy as the then he went back to flexing and strutting. I wouldn't be so confident in my physique having just meekly tickled a sow, but not all of us can be from such a long line of warriors, So I did the only thing I could think to do for him:

I followed him back to his encampment...which was a needlessly compensatingly large pallisade further demonstrating that this may be a coward, I didn't bother checking my scent to see if this was the assaulter.

So I did the only thing I believe any one of you would have done when faced with such a cowardly pig poker, I found he and his wife and cooked and ate his pile of fish in front of them. I showed him exactly how a warrior procures his food, in hopes that one day he will get off his boat and come join me in the paradise of courage. He said nothing and sailed away to find another pig to poke and once my belly was filled I moved on.

Day 1.3, Evening

After speaking with several locals at this point it seemed there was a consensus among the hearthlings that this world the gods had brought us in was indeed a Pangaea. Now I come from a long line of experienced nautical travelers and I knew right away how to test this "Flat Earth" theory. An exhaustive and intrusive circumnavigation of the entire world of course. So I decided right there on the spot that I was going to be the first adventurer to every single peak and valley of this gods forsaken haven.

Not of course before settling into a nice cozy camp that I had stumbled across. This seemed like the best time to lick my wounds from earlier and grab a bite of the local fauna. I filled up on fish nuggets and seahorse snout. It was a great feast and the first time I really felt like I had a fully belly.

I decided not to wait for day 2 to start my great expansive adventure I wanted to leave that evening! I stumbled upon a hunter yelling at an animal from in his boat. He was explaining to the creature how badly he was going to hurt him and really it didn't look much like the sporting war my ancestors were used to. But I flipped him off and went on my way. How do you do.

After some time enjoying the wind in my hair (get it?) and the sun in my eyes (I should really stop staring at the sun.) I was overcome by the sound of distant singing, like a sirens call I was besieged by the wailing of a distant hum. I couldn't help myself so I pulled over and marched through the thicket to find a gorgeous woman singing while she worked. I walked over to her and noticed she too like many of the lings' i'd met, completely stark raving naked. "Hello, do you have anything to trade?" I said to her as I flipped her off as per custom. She replied back. "No not really" I rummaged around in my pockets for a second and tossed one of my few spare seahorses on the ground in front of her. "Here a gift for your lovely singing" She walked over to me and picked it up in a very seductive manner and I gulped, she asked what she could do for me. At this point I looked her up and down, her body was similar to mine, completely genital free and without any real anatomy other than her perfectly kept woman-beard. "Get some pants" I said before placing my sunglasses on and walking back into the sunset. Destined for more and greater than things than a mere Megan McBooty call. (Megan McBooty was her name that's why I said it like that. That's why it was funny.)

Day 1.2, Afternoon

I tracked the scent to this cave as ominous as it was I had two choices to make I could either enter the cave and demonstrate the audacity of my lineage, Or I could turn-around and go find the nearest patch of soft earth and maybe start an orchard of persimmon fruit trees. Can you imagine if I chose the second and this story just took a sharp turn for the boring. Where you come back day after day to see different happenings on my peaceful claim, shoveling and mowing?

I stepped in the cave and was ready to be confronted by the woman who murdered the stranger I had never met. When all of the sudden, a SWARM OF BATS came flocking after not me but SOME RANDOM NAKED MAN fleeing for his life. Now I come from a long line of bat punchers and so so I quickly did the only thing I could do in this circumstance. I UPPERCUT THE BATS IN THE FACE. Once the naked man had found out I was here to save him, he turned around and threw his wily arms into the mix. Together we slayed the creatures but he didn't speak my language so we waved at each other in the parlance of our time (Which is flipping each other off) and I left the cave, but wait a second...the scent was now tracking to the naked man. It...it couldn't be. The man I just saved was none other than the criminal I was tracking all along. As I watched the naked man-cheeks running away flailing his arms I decided I'd give up on my quest for vengeance...clearly all the vengeance the gods wanted to give this guy had already been given. So I sent my scents to the bottom of the nearest bog.

I wish I could say my adventure picked up right from there but now the greatest enemy to a nomadic barbarian was setting in. Deep cuts which had gotten infected from the bats I fought. Now I come from a long line of medicine men and I knew what was in store for me, a slow painful agonizing death as I had no way to cure these wounds on my own. I set about the task of wandering as far as I could so that you readers could at least watch how this story ended with me dead in some ditch somewhere, at least you'd have closure.

In my stumbling haze, I saw on the horizon another village this time much bigger than the one before I hoped that perhaps, MAYBE these folk were not as dangerous as the naked drunken man and perhaps maybe these folks had the medical supplies I needed to live another day. I made my way to their fence edge and explained my predicament. Luckily with all the strength I had left I was able to blurt out a few words over coughs of blood and their village elder whom I will call "Keith" because that was his name came to the fence edge and asked what I wanted, whilst folding some dried animals skins. "Medicine..." I explained and luckily I had dead fox to trade for it and he said in reply "We are but simple hermits we have no medicine yet." I looked over to see their cauldron and explained. "If I give you this fox and if you put that cauldron outside can I make my own medicine before I die?" They agreed and I watched Keith the hero bring their valuable clay cauldron outside of their fence and slam it down on the mud floor. "Here ya go" He said before calmly lighting it for me "It'll be ready by the time you get back with the poultices" I was so happy I gave them everything I had on my person as thanks and proceeded to collect my medical supplies.

"If you ever need a wandering warrior on your side, I am Kretch the Barbarian, what's your name?" I said after I was all patched up. They looked at each other and scratched their head saying "Hermits United?" And I shrugged and said. "Hermits united you have my axe" and proceeded to wave (flip off) all the folk there, as they did to me. Back on the road it seems.

Day 1, Morning time.

I burned into the world the way most of you did by the fires the gods kindled before time.

I came from a line of great warriors, all dead now, but without much to go on and without food in my belly i'd be soon to follow. I scrounged a few bushes together for some makeshift clothing and ate the only thing that was on hand and filled with protein: Grubs. Slimey yet satisfying.

After my belly was full and I could see straight I stumbled my way right into a small cottage owned by one of the locals, I managed to scramble up something a bit more satiating to eat and cooked it on their fireplace, I didn't think they'd mind as no one was home. I will try not to make a habit of this and hopefully they find the gift I left for them.

Things were starting to look up. I had a belly full of food. A new boat that I liberated from the nearby trees. Now it was time to set sail and find whatever the gods had in store for me.

But this is where fate decided to give me something far greater than anything as of yet, I found a stinking, rotten scent of battery. Someone had been injured, knocked out or even murdered nearby. I didn't know the person this happened to and as a matter of fact, I should let the gods deal with this, but a warrior's code is nothing if not dutiful. I decided to follow up on this lead to wherever it may lead. May the gods have mercy on me.